Natural Hair Journey: Day 1

Aug. 2005 (This is my hair goal.)

I grew up in a place where nappy hair was not something to be proud of, it was something to hide!   All of my life I have wanted straight long flowy hair.  I remember when I was a little girl I used to wrap the towel on my head and swing it back and forth, pretending that it was my hair.  I’ve always had very soft  curly hair and people use to compliment me on it all the time but I still felt like it was not pretty enough.  My mother is quite the beauty and people have always said, “Wow, your mom is so beautiful!”  She has very light skin and has very long straight hair, and I think in my mind I learned to associate that with the reason people thought she was so beautiful.  When I was young I compared myself to her a lot and I always wanted to look more like her.  It bothered me that I was darker and had nappier hair.  This was reinforced when she would say, “Oh I should have married someone from my country, so my kids could have straight hair!”  Now she didn’t know the damage she was doing but it hurt just the same.  It also didn’t help that all of my dolls were white and hair long blonde hair.

The first time I got a perm I was about 12 years old.  I remember running around outside afterwards so I could feel the wind in my hair, and so the little boy across the street could see my long straight hair.  I was obsessed with having straight hair.  The tide started to turn when I started college in Atlanta, GA.  Afrocentrism was big there and I wanted to fit in with the crowd.  I cut my hair for the first time and decided to go natural and proudly sport an afro.  Funny thing is that this time I would actually comb out the curls to make my hair look nappier.  Insanity right!

It’s amazing how something as seemingly trivial as hair can have such an influence on how one sees herself.  Sadly, for many Black women, especially in America, my story is not that uncommon.  Over the years I’ve gone back and forth between natural and straight, loving both looks for a time, but feeling most comfortable when I had a big wild curly mane.  I used to call it my lioness look!  So that is what I’m working towards now.  I hope you guys share this journey with me and that we learn and grow together.